It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
