I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
