So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
