I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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