She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
