I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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