i permit you to call me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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