I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
