We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
