Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
