That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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