so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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