If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
