I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
