On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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