I got chris browned last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
