you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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