Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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