I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
