The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
