I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
