Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
