Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
ok first of all what the fuck
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
