Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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