I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
we're so committed to being not committed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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