Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Still dying that you shit outside
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
