I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
