What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
