big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
