That's intense
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
