i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
