I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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