question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
