I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
