i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
