shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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