so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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