new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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