I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
