Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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