You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
