i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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