Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This baby is an asshole
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
