You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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