hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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