You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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