Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
