I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
