He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
