Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those đ
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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