he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
