you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
