She is in my trunk
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You can't motorboat a personality
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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