I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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